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5 Stories You Should Care About More Than Casey Anthony

Casey Anthony: The Savior of Cable News For The Summer of 2011

Summer is a hard time for news. With all the summer vacations and holidays, news has a hard time mustering up the energy to happen, or at least reporters and anchors have a hard time mustering up the energy to report it. And who can blame them? Your audience is outside so they’re not watching TV, the weather is nicer outside than it is in a news studio, and there’s human interest stories a plenty. As a result, this summer in particular has been mired in the doldrums of stories the media is trying to get you care about in order to watch them. The death of Osama Bin Laden was really the last big news story, and since then we’ve had floods, fires, Weiners and that’s really it in terms of sustainable news that can headline your broadcast night after night. So, what’s a cable news network supposed to fill their time with to keep you interested? The Casey Anthony trial.

But I say, “No. Resist.” To reasons I will get to later in this article, you must resist because there’s actually stuff you should be caring about, so I’ve created a game for myself. Whenever a news anchor tries to tell me of the happenings that day, that hour, that minute in the Casey Anthony trial, I’ve been playing, “Spot The Real News.” You should play it too. The following is 5 things you will find, and therefore 5 things you should care about more than Casey Anthony.

In all honesty, if most of these people got the nomination, Obama wouldn't even have to campaign to win.

#1: The Republican Race: Yes, we are in fact about a year and a half before the next Presidential race, and about 6 months before the race really starts going, but the candidates are filing in, coming out and wanting your vote. If you don’t pay attention now, you could end of like Iowa. In a recent poll, 7% of Iowans say they would vote for Ron Paul for the Republican nomination, and 10% say they would vote for former Godfather’s Pizza CEO, Herman Cain. This means that at least 17% of the people surveyed in this poll are idiots, because they’d either put a crazy man in office, who you could easily make drop out of the race if you simply sent a gaggle of kids to mess up his lawn, or a man that used to own a small, mediocre pizza chain with no political experience. Do not become like these people. There are no less than 7 current candidates at the moment, with Mitt Romney in a near dead-heat with Tea Partier Michele Bachmann. It’s old guard Republican vs. new guard? Who’ll win out? It’s hard to tell at the moment, but if you tune out until January, you’ll miss the race to find the answer. Also, if you miss the craziness Trump brought, I give you Jonathon Sharkey, who not only looks like porn star Ron Jeremy, but also is a self-proclaimed vampire.

This Chart Is Shocking On So Many Levels

#2: Afghanistan: Yeah, I know it’s a war in the Middle East, but it’s important because we’re still there, despite a stunningly high number of Americans saying we shouldn’t be there. Despite this, the President is opting for a slower withdrawal that would keep the war going until at least 2014, to the criticism of some, who say we should finish the job, no matter how long it takes since we’ve been there for some 10-years anyways. Also, did you know that President Obama has quadrupled the number of soldiers in Afghanistan since he took over from President Bush? These are the types of things you learn when you’re not watching Nancy Grace.

Benazir Bhutto may have been a great leader, but her husband is the literal Worst.

#3: Pakistan: So, if we’ve seen one clear sign in the aftermath of the death of Osama Bin Laden, it’s that the Pakistani government is kind of one big jerk. You know, hiding known terrorists, arresting those who help us catch terrorists, and getting mad when we kill a terrorist without their permission. Etc., so on. Problem is, Pakistan holds nuclear weapons, so we have to be careful in dealing with them. Also, there’s the fact that we’ve given Pakistan some 20-billion dollars since 2001, and we continue to give them billions every year. Why? I don’t know because nobody cares enough to ask or do anything about it. However, if there was outrage like there is to get tickets to be in the courtroom of the Casey Anthony trial, maybe more people would care and do something about it.

#4: Greece Has Gone To Crap: Greece is broke so they have to cut spending and raise taxes. The people have not taken to this lightly, and have been in the process of burning down the country off and on for the past year. What’s crazy is that it’s actually getting worse. America, this could be your future and worse, which brings me to…

The Riots In Greece

#5: The Economy: Guess what, the economy isn’t getting better. Sure, there’s improvements, but for every market getting back up, another one falls into more trouble. As a result, everything is kind of stagnant in an unsure time where anybody doing anything doesn’t really know what thing to do, or when. So we’re kind of stuck until somebody currently doing something figures out what to do, or it fixes itself, or what Mitt Romney wants, Americans see him as the best person to fix it, so they elect him President and he fixes it.

If They Show This Image Again, It'll Be Permanently Burned Into Our Minds & TVs

Now that you really think about it, all the important news stories are kind of depressing in their own way. No wonder the media doesn’t want to cover it, and you don’t want to watch it. I mean, with all these horrible things happen, no wonder America is looking towards the trial of a possibly irresponsible mother who possibly neglected, abused, suffocated and killed her 3-year old daughter. Oh, wait… That’s kind of depressing too. But hey, it’s just a harmless bunch of crazy people doing crazy things, and there’s a cute little white girl we can all feel sorry for to give us all the illusion that we can watch the trial and root for justice to be served. I mean, it’s not like this is world-affecting or anything. No nuclear war can possibly come of this trial. No riots and end of the world scenarios here. No silly politicians being silly anywhere.

You can tell that to yourself to help you sleep at night, but at the end of the day, there’s always a list of stuff happening and a long list of stuff we need to do. It’s not all going to go away by watching a useless murder trial.

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  1. June 29, 2011 at 7:06 am

    thanx for sharing this knowledge

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