Home > Editorial, Politics, Stories To Know > So Yeah, That Happened: Iowa & Tim Pawlenty Edition

So Yeah, That Happened: Iowa & Tim Pawlenty Edition

After the Debate on Thursday, I said this:

[Iowa is] historically bad at being an indication of the eventual Republican nominee due to their emphasis on Homeland values. Still, everybody puts way too much emphasis on its importance.

Well, didn’t that come true? Iowa, perpetually starved for people to care about them, decided many years ago that they’d be the first line of decision when it came to Presidential Primaries. Granted, there are others just days, weeks and even months afterwords, but Iowa is 1st of 49. As a result, everybody kind of looks to Iowa even though, like I said before, they’re historically bad at predicting the eventual winner.

In the last election for instance, Mitt Romney won the Straw Poll, Mike Huckabee won the Caucus, and of course John McCain won the nomination, having come in 4th in the Caucus.  Past winners of the Straw Poll include Pat Robertson, George H.W. Bush when he was running against Reagan, Bob Dole and Phil Gramm. Point is, that except for the 2000 Republican field, the Iowa Straw Poll has gotten in wrong, EVERY TIME.

The Iowa Caucus, aka Primary, has a better track record, but that’s mainly because the whole state gets a say. Granted, it’s still skewed for the country because Iowa is such a Cliche of itself, but the Straw Poll attracts a very biased sampling of voters. For one, you have to pay $30 just to get in. That’s right, you have to pay to vote! Granted, that also gets you dinner, but still! That’s only going to attract hardcore supporters and voters! By the way, you have to be at least “16 1/2” years old to vote. There’s also allegations that you can buy the vote, and so on. All in all, 17,000 votes were cast, with the winner receiving only 4,823 Votes. Hardly a representative sample for anything.

Keeping this in mind, here’s this year’s result:

This Is On You, Iowa

Seeing these results and numbers, as frivolous as they may be, still prompted Bachmann to do this:

Let's Play: Spot the Bachmann

During the speech that triumphed her great victory, Bachmann was quoted as saying, “You have just sent a message that Barack Obama will be a one-term president.” To which there was a great applause from the crowd, echoing Thursday’s debate where after moderator Bret Baier told the candidates not to grandstand, Bachmann specifically grandstanded by saying that Obama would be a one-term President. Only problem is that for Bachmann, it kind of doesn’t matter in the long-term. Bachmann seems to be sinking most everything she has in Iowa because that’s the only place she’s assured a win. It could also be the only state she wins.

It Was Also Selling for $52

Bachmann is a polarizing figure, but polarizing in the fact that most everybody dislikes her in some regard, but for the far, far right of the party and Tea Party, she’s like the best thing ever. Still Independents and Moderates will probably avoid her like the plague. Iowa just so happens to be far right with their Homeland values, which Bachmann embraces. The fact that she’s putting forth that she was born in Iowa also kind of makes her the hometown favorite, even though she current presides over Minnesota. Still, with all of that, she almost lost to Ron Paul.

Recently, it seems like stereotypes are reinforcing themselves around me. I walked into a small-town Virginia antique store over the weekend and found all manner of racist and southern pride paraphernalia including Rebel Flags and a book from 1942 called, “Little Black Sambo,” that was described by the store as “beautifully illustrated.” Now, I’d like to think that Southern stores wouldn’t think stuff like this is OK, or even describe it in a positive manner, but that’s what they had, and it wasn’t even the only blackfaced toy or item in the store.

The 75-Year Old Political Virgin

Then there’s Iowa. I’d like to think that people from Iowa are like people from the rest of America. I’d like to think that they have the same amount of intelligence, instead of a black hole of stupidity, but this poll kind of actively goes out of its way to prove me wrong. After all, Ron Paul almost won. Think about it. Ron Paul almost won what many consider an important point in choosing the Republican nomination, and assessing your campaign. Ron Paul isn’t a fringe candidate in Iowa, no, he’s actually considered a contender and somebody they want to not only run against Barack Obama, but they think he can win against him. Not only that, but they think he’d be a great President when he gets into office.

Now, here at Random Independent, we believe that when comedian Patton Oswalt made a joke about an 120-year old President who ordered everybody to marry a Pelican, that he was actually referring to Ron Paul. And Iowa almost declared him the winner of their Straw Poll. As if we needed yet another reason to dismiss Iowa, the Iowa Caucus and the Iowa Straw Poll, Iowa makes it loud and clear that they like Ron Paul.

Moving on…

I Have the Courage To Stand, But As Soon As The Going Gets Rough, I Am Sitting the Hell Down

At least he had the best campaign poster...

Now knowing what we do about the Iowa Straw Poll, it’s insane that anybody would care that much about it, much less put all their resources into doing well in it, much less leaving the race if you don’t finish in the top 2. So naturally, in hindsight, not only is Timothy James Pawlenty insane, but a gargantuan idiot that would have made a poor President to say the least. After all, if he’ll put all his eggs into one massively stupid basket, maybe he’d also station all of the troops in France on the off-chance that Germany invades once more.

Just because you’re the first one to declare yourself as running for President isn’t going to give you an advantage either, especially if you’re as exiting as a This Old House rerun. In addition to failing to energize any sort of crowd, he also failed to get any attention, or disagree with anybody. During a debate, he coined the term “ObamneyCare” in attacking Mitt Romney’s Massachusetts healthcare system, but then went back on it when asked about it later. He was too nice a guy, or he was just weak. Either way, Pawlenty was the opposite of Presidential material, and never had a chance in hell. He thought could turn it around in Iowa, but he never even came close. So yeah, better late than never, but looking back, never is all we should have seen of Pawlenty in this race.

I would say that he’s just one less candidate we have to deal with, but now Rick Perry is in on the race. It just never ends… Until next November, that is.

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