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Outwit. Outplay. Outlast: Mitt Romney

November 5, 2011 Leave a comment

Survivor: To Remain Alive or in Existence.

With the Holidays upon us, and Primary Season around the corner, it’s time to check-up, Survivor style, on how the Republican candidates are faring the media ringer. So does Mitt Romney prove that slow and steady wins the race? Will the Conservatives accept his rational ideas? Or do nice guys and people who draw the ire of Occupy Wall Street finish last?
Note: Because of the length of this episode, we have to separate by commercial breaks, so make sure to seek out the previous two blogs focusing on Bachmann & Perry and Herman Cain.

The One Who Wins The Million By Virtue Of Not Screwing Up, Before Being Ticked That The IRS Claims Half Of It In Income Tax

This Hat Says It, So It Must Be True. Either That Or This Hat Is Trying WAY Too Hard To Get Its Intentions Across

I’ve alluded to this before in these Survivor-style blogs, but Mitt Romney’s been put through the ringer, not once, but twice. First time in 2008, he caved under the barrage of flip-flopping charges, and inexperience with running for President, and utterly failed. 3 or 4 years later, and he’s come back again for more, this time with responses to his flip-flopping charges. No scandals are coming out, no questions he hasn’t heard before, no surprises. If there were, they would have come out by now. But no, Romney kept himself out of trouble since 2008 so he would have nothing new to deal with. Master the old stuff, and you can look like a pro.

He doesn’t really have anything new in a good way, but at least he doesn’t have anything new in an old way. He can handle the media, and he can handle his fellow candidates fairly well.  He doesn’t have to surge ahead. He can just sit around and let the Primaries come to him. He’s even doing well in Iowa, which he’s historically terrible at. All that, and he’s already started going directly after Obama for 2012.

Essentially, he only has one big problem: His Own Party.

I was recently listening to an episode of “On Point with Tom Ashbrook” this week, a program on NPR, and its exploration of Romney’s relation with his own party entitled simply, “Mitt Romney and the GOP.” Talking with various Conservative and political commentators, as well as the callers into the program, it’s interesting to hear people’s raw opinions on the man. Basically, Conservatives and Tea Partiers hate him because he’s not true to their values. A lot of people of the Christian faith hate him because he’s Mormon.

Like the Picture, Dislike the Implication

Now, if worst comes to worst for them and they’re faced with the choice of Romney vs. Obama, they won’t say, but for now, as ridiculous and idiotic as their reasons are, Romney will not have their support during the Primaries. The question is, can he overcome the apparently massive hate for him? Can he overcome perceptions of flip-flopping?

His attraction to Independents won’t matter until the general election, so until then, if he can get there, his biggest challenge will be his own party, which so far doesn’t really have a viable alternative. Unless you can’t Ron Paul, which you can’t because The Media says that Ron Paul cannot be counted, and is just a black hole to be ignored.

See? Mitt Romney is Walking On Water. Mitt Romney Is Therefore Jesus.

Outwit. Outplay. Outlast: Herman Cain

November 5, 2011 Leave a comment

A Game of Survival!

With the Holidays upon us, and Primary Season around the corner, it’s time to check-up, Survivor style, on how the Republican candidates are faring the media ringer. So will Herman Cain be voted off, or will he come back like a bat out of hell, here to spread the message of Pizza and electric fences?
Note: Because of the length of this episode, we have to separate by commercial breaks as it were, so make sure to seek out the other two blogs focusing on Bachmann & Perry and Mitt Romney.

The One That Keeps Trying To Have Sex With All The Other Contestants, Making Pretty Much Everybody Mad. Also, He Uses His Immunity Idol At All The Wrong Times.

Fact: This is the first image that comes up when you type "Herman Cain Sexy" into Google Images.

When I first heard the name Herman Cain, it was back in May when he confused the Constitution with the Declaration of Independence. I immediately dismissed him and his chances because I’d never heard of him, and he made a stupid like that. No way we’d ever hear from him again! I was of course wrong… Just as everybody else in the race was seeming to fall out of grace, here comes Herman Cain winning the Florida Straw Poll as a last ditch effort. Even back then, like a month ago, I blogged about how winning the Florida Straw Poll was stupid, and we’d never hear of him again. After all, he was a Pizza guy with no political experience. I was again… wrong. Considering how a nobody just won the Florida Straw Poll, the media started looking into him and built him up. America liked what they saw for some reason, and he shot to the top of the polls. Then, he started talking. Then he started talking more. Then, THE SCANDAL broke.

Let’s get something clear first, this is not a grand media conspiracy against Herman Cain because he’s a Republican, a Black Republican, or just because the media is mean. Why?

  1. The media built him up. They can tear him down. That’s kind of their job.
  2. Herman Cain is an inexperienced, not smart person.

A Smile Only a Pimp Could Love

Sorry. It’s true. Herman Cain never would have had a shot without the media building him up and acknowledging his existence. After all, as the 4th Estate of Government, it’s the media’s job to put you through the ringer of challenges to see if you can come out on the other side. Mitt Romney got put through with his flip-flopping and is considered a perennial frontrunner. Herman Cain is being put through, and is failing miserably.

Even before THE SCANDAL, Cain was looking less than appealing. He thought China was developing Nuclear capabilities, when they’ve had them since the 1960s. His stance on abortion has been iffy. There was the ludicrous campaign commercial. The Electric Fence “Joke.” He doesn’t care about the President of Uzbekistan, Islam Karimov, or his name. All of this is fodder for the Obama campaign if Cain wins the nomination. At this point, Cain winning the nomination would mean an utter bloodbath for the Republicans considering Cain’s baggage.

Little Known Fact: Gloria Cain actually hates Pizza. She Always Orders Breadsticks.

True or not, THE SCANDAL is out there. And Cain isn’t helping matters. He thrashed around like a caught fish when questioned about THE SCANDAL or any of its details all week. He would deny, acknowledge, then deny the next little detail, before acknowledging its existence again. All while his wife has been suspiciously absent. She was nowhere to be found before THE SCANDAL, and she’s cancelling anything that might remotely put her in the spotlight after it. If the wife stands beside you during this time, then it gives you credibility that you’re aren’t a sleazy deviant.

Instead, Cain is digging a hole that nobody knows how far it’ll go. Will it bury him, or will it build him support and funds from everybody that believes Cain is just an innocent victim of The Media? I say he falters under pressure, but I’ve been wrong about the Hermanator twice before, so it’s anybody’s guess. Besides, it’s not like Conservatives like the alternative very much.

Now it’s time for commercial break. This an official video from Herman Cain’s YouTube page where he pays tribute to the victims of 9/11 with “God Bless America,” which he sings. The video is so wrong on so many different levels, one of which is the fact that the video seems a little bit self-serving. You know, promoting yourself on an emotional level because you’re singing a patriotic anthem in tribute to 9/11. Did Obama ever do that?

A Good Looking Rascal: Rick Perry Decides He Too Can Be President

August 15, 2011 1 comment

James Richard "Rick" Perry

Button!

Rick Perry has been teasing America since May with the notion of running, but probably wisely stayed-out in order to feast on the blood currently in the water. And let’s face it, he has a lot of positives going for him. The economy is a mess, so Perry can give the statistics saying how great the economy was in Texas when he presided over it.

He’s a Tea Partier without the crazy, the Texas without the Bush, and a Conservative that Conservatives can rally around. Since he’s arriving late, he has had time to observe weaknesses of the other candidates, and he’s had more time to prepare his talking points. Exposure is also not an issue since the media is more than helping him with that. Bill Clinton even said he was “Tickled” by him entering the race, and called him a “Good Looking Rascal.”

The only problem is that he seems to fall more on the far right side of things, which makes him less appealing to Independents such as myself. I haven’t seen him in much action so far, but he doesn’t exactly seem like the type of person willing to reach out to the other side. He’s an unabashed Texan after all. Still, Perry is throwing a rather large wrench into the thick of the fight, making it essentially an instant 3-way race between Perry, Romney & Bachmann.

Alternatively if Rick drops out, the bus can also facilitate Perry the Platypus' Presidential Campaign

Then there’s also the factor that he’s going to cannibalize all of the current candidates except for Ron Paul & Herman Cain, who run off the weird power of cults or something. He’s going to take away Conservatives & Tea Partiers away from Bachmann, and he’s going to confuse everybody else since he looks a lot like Romney, Santorum, etc. Essentially, Jason Sudeikis could play half the Republican field in this upcoming season of Saturday Night Live.

But there is one big plus for Rick Perry that Video Game Lovers & Nerds everywhere can approve of, and that’s the fact that Rick Perry is the first Presidential candidate, to my knowledge to care anything, and be seen with the popular video game, Mass Effect. Yes, in his first Campaign video, essentially laying out his record and general love for America, Perry is seen at Bioware‘s offices in Austin, Texas looking at Mass Effect 2, while the narrator talks about American ingenuity. Granted, Bioware is a Canadian company, but they opened an office in Texas under Perry’s watch! Not many people will notice it’s 5-second inclusion in the video, but this political/video game Nerd did.

Just remember, when you decide who you want to be the Republican to be nominated for President, only Rick Perry, cares about Mass Effect.

Perry Sees A Real Hero

Music for Pouring Tea To

August 5, 2011 Leave a comment

AMERICA!

Did you know there’s an apparent genre of music based in politics, or more specifically the Tea Party? Well, there is and it’s not just called country music. Embedded on every page of the Patriot Action Network, which is a Tea Party-based Social Network, is a music player filled with anthems for America that basically go with the Tea Party mentality. There’s the usual God Bless America, O’ America by Celtic Women and of course your Toby Keith and others. But there’s also pop songs like “Crumbling Castle” about a girl who’s in a castle when it’s crumbling, and she needs somebody to save her? How does this fit with the Tea Party? Well, the castle represents America. You know, because America is broken.

The singer of the song is one Krista Branch, a pastor’s wife from Oklahoma who’s a personal favorite of Glenn Beck’s iPod. Consequently, she’s also become something short of a Tea Party darling, with a million hits on YouTube about her Tea Party anthem, “I Am America.” Listening to the song, it’s not exactly something you’d at first peg as a Tea Party song. After all, it has more of a Euro Pop vibe to it. But then you read the lyrics and then it gets clearer with lines like this:

How do you know she's Patriotic? She's singing in front of the American flag.

I’ve got some news, we’re taking names
We’re waiting now for the judgment day

I am America, one voice, united we stand
I am America, one hope to heal our land

There is still work that must be done
I will not rest until we’ve won

I am America

Ok, now it makes more sense. Also, is it just me or is it slightly antagonistic? Right before those lines, she says, “Pretend you’re kings, sit on your throne; look down your nose at the peasants below.” Now personally, I think politically-based lyrics are extremely hard to pull off, especially in a non-Country or rap context. It just feels wrong when the name “Nancy Pelosi” is being sung by anybody. Sure, Krista may have a decent-to-good voice, but that still can’t make up for the fact that it just doesn’t sound right.

He says it, so it must be true.

Why do you think it’s so hard to find music for the 4th of July? Songs about America and politics either play off as too sappy, or just plain sucky. We only know the lyrics of the National Anthem because somebody told us that is was our National Anthem. America’s official song if you will. That, and the fact that we’ve heard it a billion times, especially weekends when they play it before every possible sporting event because it’s tradition. So instead, we’re really stuck with maybe 3 or 4 songs about America that people can agree to play over fireworks displays. And I should add that one of those songs is now by Katy Perry.

You think that’s bad? Wait, you haven’t seen anything yet.

Meet the Rivoli Revue, a couple of country/rock singers that are also embraced by the Patriot Action Network music player, and also have a lot of YouTube hits. Mainly it’s for their at least slightly racist song, “Press One for English.”

They also have one in favor of Arizona’s recent & controversial Immigration law, where they sing, “What part of illegal don’t they understand?”

These people were clearly in Branson, Missouri at some point in their lives.

Now, whether you agree with the song or not, the question has to be asked, “Should we really argue serious political issues in song, where nobody can respond to us, unless it’s in a YouTube comment?”

That’s the main problem with politically-based songs in general. Since the opinion is expressed in song form, it’s not like life is a musical where we can sing back, “I agree with giving amnesty!” Note: If you do this, you have too much time on your hands.

The point is, there’s no room for debate, and therefore no room for fostering of ideas. It’s a form of preaching to the choir since you’re saying one thing, and whoever likes it is just agreeing with you.

The desire to have these songs comes from one thing: culture. You might already be pro-military and drape yourself in the American flag, have a 24/7 feed of Fox News streaming from your TV and be covered in various pins and bumper stickers, so why not have it in music? There’s a reason why “The Ballad of the Green Beret” has managed to live on more than a day after it was created. It’s because there’s a market for it. Granted, that market is categorically older, but it’s still there, and they desire that culture.

Right, because Liberals hate America...

Of course, maybe that’s the whole problem. We aren’t in a really Patriotic culture, so hearing pro-America songs just doesn’t sound right. If it was more prevalent, maybe it would sound better. Of course, maybe that’s not a problem at all. America is just a breeding ground of culture. It creates culture and it fosters it. But just because it can create a culture where we celebrate America, which makes creating the culture for worshiping itself popular. Or something like that. Point is, just because you’re in America doesn’t mean you have to be especially Patriotic. Which therefore means that you don’t  necessarily need pro-America music. You can have it and you can attempt to make a good one, but on a list of legitimate pursuits to be doing nowadays, artistically or otherwise, that’s pretty low.

Who knows, maybe in 40 years we’ll be creating songs of our own to protest robots gaining Artificial Intelligence, as if the Terminator series of movies hadn’t done that enough already. It is a form of expression after all, even if it doesn’t leave any room for rebuttals.