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Outwit. Outplay. Outlast: Mitt Romney

November 5, 2011 Leave a comment

Survivor: To Remain Alive or in Existence.

With the Holidays upon us, and Primary Season around the corner, it’s time to check-up, Survivor style, on how the Republican candidates are faring the media ringer. So does Mitt Romney prove that slow and steady wins the race? Will the Conservatives accept his rational ideas? Or do nice guys and people who draw the ire of Occupy Wall Street finish last?
Note: Because of the length of this episode, we have to separate by commercial breaks, so make sure to seek out the previous two blogs focusing on Bachmann & Perry and Herman Cain.

The One Who Wins The Million By Virtue Of Not Screwing Up, Before Being Ticked That The IRS Claims Half Of It In Income Tax

This Hat Says It, So It Must Be True. Either That Or This Hat Is Trying WAY Too Hard To Get Its Intentions Across

I’ve alluded to this before in these Survivor-style blogs, but Mitt Romney’s been put through the ringer, not once, but twice. First time in 2008, he caved under the barrage of flip-flopping charges, and inexperience with running for President, and utterly failed. 3 or 4 years later, and he’s come back again for more, this time with responses to his flip-flopping charges. No scandals are coming out, no questions he hasn’t heard before, no surprises. If there were, they would have come out by now. But no, Romney kept himself out of trouble since 2008 so he would have nothing new to deal with. Master the old stuff, and you can look like a pro.

He doesn’t really have anything new in a good way, but at least he doesn’t have anything new in an old way. He can handle the media, and he can handle his fellow candidates fairly well.  He doesn’t have to surge ahead. He can just sit around and let the Primaries come to him. He’s even doing well in Iowa, which he’s historically terrible at. All that, and he’s already started going directly after Obama for 2012.

Essentially, he only has one big problem: His Own Party.

I was recently listening to an episode of “On Point with Tom Ashbrook” this week, a program on NPR, and its exploration of Romney’s relation with his own party entitled simply, “Mitt Romney and the GOP.” Talking with various Conservative and political commentators, as well as the callers into the program, it’s interesting to hear people’s raw opinions on the man. Basically, Conservatives and Tea Partiers hate him because he’s not true to their values. A lot of people of the Christian faith hate him because he’s Mormon.

Like the Picture, Dislike the Implication

Now, if worst comes to worst for them and they’re faced with the choice of Romney vs. Obama, they won’t say, but for now, as ridiculous and idiotic as their reasons are, Romney will not have their support during the Primaries. The question is, can he overcome the apparently massive hate for him? Can he overcome perceptions of flip-flopping?

His attraction to Independents won’t matter until the general election, so until then, if he can get there, his biggest challenge will be his own party, which so far doesn’t really have a viable alternative. Unless you can’t Ron Paul, which you can’t because The Media says that Ron Paul cannot be counted, and is just a black hole to be ignored.

See? Mitt Romney is Walking On Water. Mitt Romney Is Therefore Jesus.

Outwit. Outplay. Outlast: Herman Cain

November 5, 2011 Leave a comment

A Game of Survival!

With the Holidays upon us, and Primary Season around the corner, it’s time to check-up, Survivor style, on how the Republican candidates are faring the media ringer. So will Herman Cain be voted off, or will he come back like a bat out of hell, here to spread the message of Pizza and electric fences?
Note: Because of the length of this episode, we have to separate by commercial breaks as it were, so make sure to seek out the other two blogs focusing on Bachmann & Perry and Mitt Romney.

The One That Keeps Trying To Have Sex With All The Other Contestants, Making Pretty Much Everybody Mad. Also, He Uses His Immunity Idol At All The Wrong Times.

Fact: This is the first image that comes up when you type "Herman Cain Sexy" into Google Images.

When I first heard the name Herman Cain, it was back in May when he confused the Constitution with the Declaration of Independence. I immediately dismissed him and his chances because I’d never heard of him, and he made a stupid like that. No way we’d ever hear from him again! I was of course wrong… Just as everybody else in the race was seeming to fall out of grace, here comes Herman Cain winning the Florida Straw Poll as a last ditch effort. Even back then, like a month ago, I blogged about how winning the Florida Straw Poll was stupid, and we’d never hear of him again. After all, he was a Pizza guy with no political experience. I was again… wrong. Considering how a nobody just won the Florida Straw Poll, the media started looking into him and built him up. America liked what they saw for some reason, and he shot to the top of the polls. Then, he started talking. Then he started talking more. Then, THE SCANDAL broke.

Let’s get something clear first, this is not a grand media conspiracy against Herman Cain because he’s a Republican, a Black Republican, or just because the media is mean. Why?

  1. The media built him up. They can tear him down. That’s kind of their job.
  2. Herman Cain is an inexperienced, not smart person.

A Smile Only a Pimp Could Love

Sorry. It’s true. Herman Cain never would have had a shot without the media building him up and acknowledging his existence. After all, as the 4th Estate of Government, it’s the media’s job to put you through the ringer of challenges to see if you can come out on the other side. Mitt Romney got put through with his flip-flopping and is considered a perennial frontrunner. Herman Cain is being put through, and is failing miserably.

Even before THE SCANDAL, Cain was looking less than appealing. He thought China was developing Nuclear capabilities, when they’ve had them since the 1960s. His stance on abortion has been iffy. There was the ludicrous campaign commercial. The Electric Fence “Joke.” He doesn’t care about the President of Uzbekistan, Islam Karimov, or his name. All of this is fodder for the Obama campaign if Cain wins the nomination. At this point, Cain winning the nomination would mean an utter bloodbath for the Republicans considering Cain’s baggage.

Little Known Fact: Gloria Cain actually hates Pizza. She Always Orders Breadsticks.

True or not, THE SCANDAL is out there. And Cain isn’t helping matters. He thrashed around like a caught fish when questioned about THE SCANDAL or any of its details all week. He would deny, acknowledge, then deny the next little detail, before acknowledging its existence again. All while his wife has been suspiciously absent. She was nowhere to be found before THE SCANDAL, and she’s cancelling anything that might remotely put her in the spotlight after it. If the wife stands beside you during this time, then it gives you credibility that you’re aren’t a sleazy deviant.

Instead, Cain is digging a hole that nobody knows how far it’ll go. Will it bury him, or will it build him support and funds from everybody that believes Cain is just an innocent victim of The Media? I say he falters under pressure, but I’ve been wrong about the Hermanator twice before, so it’s anybody’s guess. Besides, it’s not like Conservatives like the alternative very much.

Now it’s time for commercial break. This an official video from Herman Cain’s YouTube page where he pays tribute to the victims of 9/11 with “God Bless America,” which he sings. The video is so wrong on so many different levels, one of which is the fact that the video seems a little bit self-serving. You know, promoting yourself on an emotional level because you’re singing a patriotic anthem in tribute to 9/11. Did Obama ever do that?

Beware the Interns: A Review of “The Ides of March”

October 12, 2011 2 comments

“Ambition Seduces. Power Corrupts.” – Tagline for The Ides of March

Although a movie, The Ides of March is not about heroes and villains. Although a movie about politics, it doesn’t push a political agenda, although some may argue that it’s implied. Although it concerns itself with scandal, it’s as much about ideals, and values, like loyalty. It’s about naive natures, playing dirty in politics, and asking just how far we are willing to go to win. But like the original Ides of March, where Ceaser met his end by friends seeking political gain, it’s a tale of betrayal and tragedy.  In Star Wars terms, The Ides of March is like watching Anakin Skywalker become a somehow more horrible version of Darth Vader.

I think the film ultimately makes three points:

  1. People are imperfect and makes mistakes.
  2. We play dirty politics because it works, it’s easy, and everybody does it, so you are forced to do it also.
  3. To win in politics, you have to compromise your values and you must sacrifice your beliefs.

Sure, none of these are revolutionary thoughts, a fact that several critics are hung up on, the movie presents its story in a credible, well-done, thrilling and shocking way.

Ryan Gosling plays Stephen Myers, a Junior Campaign Manager for Mike Morris, played by George Clooney, a Pennsylvania Governor running for the Presidential Nomination in the Democratic Primaries in a race that is so close in the context of the film, that North Carolina is somewhat relevant, even though the winner is usually decided far in advance of the state, so it seems, in real life. But not this race, as Morris’ campaign team knows that they’ll have to lock up a popular Senator’s support in order to win Ohio. If they win the state of Ohio, that it’ll be a big enough victory to propel them to the Democratic candidate for President, if not the White House itself. That’s the setup, to which the movie moves into it’s 3-act tragedy.

“We’re gonna be fine. We have to do it, it’s the right thing to do and nothing bad happens when you’re doing the right thing.” – Stephen Meyers

Stephen Meyers

Stephen is different from most political consultants because he actually believes in the cause and ability of Morris. In his mind, he can do no wrong and is the best person to help the most amount of people in the country. But since Stephen is so good, he’s also incredibly confident and prideful about his work. He also has a problem in that he’s only 30, facing a possibility of working in the White House if Morris wins. If Morris wins however, then Stephen gets a nice job for 4-8 years, then either an early retirement, or starting his own lobbyist firm, which would be menial in its own way. If Morris loses however, then Stephen goes back to a menial job at a consulting firm, waiting once more to rise up the ranks.

But Morris is also naive in his own way. To win Ohio, and therefore the Democratic nomination, all Morris has to do is promise to give the Secretary of State position to the aforementioned Senator. That’s all he has to do, but he refuses because not only would it compromise his values, but the Senator is known for being staunchly against the U.N. Does that sound like a good candidate for Secretary of State, a person that has to deal with World leaders on a regular basis? No, but if Morris doesn’t give him the position, he won’t have a chance to bring his values to the White House. He’s naive, but in a different way than Stephen, since one’s intentions are obviously more honorable than the other. Still, pride will ultimately befall both men.

It’s at this point where I can go no further without giving away explicit spoilers for the film. If you plan on seeing this film in the near future, I recommend you do not any farther, since maximum enjoyment of the film requires surprise when bombshells are dropped, and characters go as far as they do. If the film has appealed to you thus far, or the subject matter or what I’ve written appeals to you, then go see it.

“There’s only one rule in politics: you don’t f**k the intern!” – Stephen Meyers

Meyers and Molly the Intern

That’s right, as a President, you can wreak an economy, a country, or even the world, but consider yourself in royal trouble if you ever have sex with an intern. No good can ever come of it. Since Morris is prideful as a politician, he thinks he can get away with having an affair with the intern, and as long as nobody speaks of it, he’ll be fine. But then she gets pregnant.

Personally, I have a primal facination for movies that feature an inevitable horrible cascadal decline for our characters where they’re put in a situation where no good can ever come from their current situation. I’m not talking about stupid Teens in a horror film, no, I’m talking about the horror film of life. Stephen Meyers is of course sleeping with the intern himself, due to his pride, but when she receives a call at 2:30 in the morning from Morris himself, it’s an “Oh, crap…” moment that sends the mind racing towards all the possibilities the film could go down. It’s inherently funny and stereotypical that a politician would end up in this position, but then the film ratchets up the moment more by revealing that the intern is pregnant. It’s a classic catalyst to move characters into making decisions that will ultimately decide their fate.

“I’ll do or say anything if I believe in it, but I have to believe in the cause.” – Stephen Meyers

The Ohio Campaign Headquarters

Since Stephen has declared himself married to the campaign, he must set aside personal feelings for this intern that he’s partly fallen in love with during the course of their affair, and mark her as collateral damage. Stephen rationalizes that it’s best to leave her out to dry, firing her off her internship and driving her to a clinic to have an abortion rather than let Morris catch the fallout. Sure, his once perfect candidate is now tainted beyond measure, but Stephen still has a job, and in his mind at least, this is the best way to “fix things.”

But then he’s put against the wall due being fired due to a series of manipulations and scheming due to Stephen’s lack of loyalty stemming from his pride. It doesn’t feel good being part of the fallout from your own mistakes, so Stephen, again out of pride, threatens to take Morris down on his way out. Hearing this brings up another “Oh crap…” moment, because what’s the best way to take down the Morris campaign? The intern… knowing this, she kills herself rather than being dragged through the mud in order to destroy one man, ultimately helping another.

“Revenge makes people unpredictable.” – Tom Duffy

Meyers Looks On With New Eyes

At this point, I thought Meyers himself might take his own life out of the sheer guilt of being indirectly responsible for her death. But no, after having his mistakes used against himself in getting fired, Meyers now knows all to well the power of dirty politics. Secrets are weapons, and effective ones at that. So what’s Stephen to do? Do the same to Morris. Left with the choice of direct connections to both an affair, an abortion and a suicide, Morris is forced to not only give up the Secretary of State position in order to secure a win, but let Stephen have his boss’ old job, essentially moving up from an aide to a full-blown campaign manager to a candidate that’s now a shoe-in not only for the nomination, but presumably for the White House. But at what price does it come at?

For Morris, in order to get his supposedly great ideas to the White House, he had to make some serious moral compromises and let people into his circle that have no right being there. All of this was due to his pride of sleeping with the intern, which of course you never, ever do. The affair and ultimatum forces Morris into a position to win, but at a great cost.

For Meyers, he lost his naive nature, his hands are covered in blood, he’s responsible for having his boss fired, oh, and he’s responsible for ensuring Morris gets into the White House. He’s betrayed all of his ideals for success and revenge. All of this due to his naive nature, which led to pride, which of course led to his downfall. But where in other fields he would stay down, justifiably ruined, in politics you can come back better than ever if you just have a little dirt.

Morris Gains The Support of Senator Thompson

The final scene, which is of Meyers being prepped for an interview, is like watching minions put on Darth Vader’s suit. Make-up is applied, his ear piece is put in, the hair is made just right, and then the camera pans towards Stephen’s face. At this point, it’s the face of pure evil. It’s haunting to stare at that trademark Ryan Gosling expression, showing nothing while revealing everything. He’s morally dead inside. He used a girl’s suicide to get himself a better job. The question the movies asks in the final scene is, does he reveal the truth to the media?

I think not, since the transformation is complete. Darth Vader also regretted a little of what happened, but what’s he going to do ? He has a choice: peak in his career by the time he’s 40 by working in the White House, or shred every little bit of it, feeling guilty with nothing to distract from it. Yeah, Darth Vader is going to choose ruling the Empire.

On a movie level, it’s all well-acted, with Gosling being a compelling presence as always, and Hoffman playing the Obi-Wan Kenobi to the Vader, as Stephen’s boss and Morris’ campaign manager. Clooney is a credible politician, comfortable on expressing views he probably already believes in. It’s silly in a way, but he’s George Clooney, so you’re fine with him and his dreaminess. His directing on the other hand doesn’t live up to the potential that I once had for him some 5 or 8 years ago. There’s great moments, such as the final scene, but you can’t really feel his hand as much as I’d like to. And again, if you go into the film not knowing the plot particulars, you’ll be an equal mix of shocked and riveted throughout much of the film as the events unfold. Especially the last 30 minutes or so, which I’m surprised more critics haven’t hailed as a stunning piece of work that it is, for simply going as far as it does.

Governor Mike Morris

To put it simply, the movie puts forth that being naive has no place in current politics. Not only does it cloud your judgement, give you a false sense of pride or security, but it also keeps you from winning. Out of 73 Democrats that have ran for President, the movie states at one point, only 3 have won. That means, the movie says, that Republicans know how to run a political campaign, where even though their candidate may not be that great, they know how to approach the race realistically, how to energize their base, and how to discredit a candidate when they need to. So to compete with the Republicans, the Democrats need to move into real world, as it were. But to do that, you have to sell your soul to the devil. And of course, nothing good ever comes out of that.

4 out of 5 Stars

So Yeah, That Happened: Iowa & Tim Pawlenty Edition

August 16, 2011 4 comments

After the Debate on Thursday, I said this:

[Iowa is] historically bad at being an indication of the eventual Republican nominee due to their emphasis on Homeland values. Still, everybody puts way too much emphasis on its importance.

Well, didn’t that come true? Iowa, perpetually starved for people to care about them, decided many years ago that they’d be the first line of decision when it came to Presidential Primaries. Granted, there are others just days, weeks and even months afterwords, but Iowa is 1st of 49. As a result, everybody kind of looks to Iowa even though, like I said before, they’re historically bad at predicting the eventual winner.

In the last election for instance, Mitt Romney won the Straw Poll, Mike Huckabee won the Caucus, and of course John McCain won the nomination, having come in 4th in the Caucus.  Past winners of the Straw Poll include Pat Robertson, George H.W. Bush when he was running against Reagan, Bob Dole and Phil Gramm. Point is, that except for the 2000 Republican field, the Iowa Straw Poll has gotten in wrong, EVERY TIME.

The Iowa Caucus, aka Primary, has a better track record, but that’s mainly because the whole state gets a say. Granted, it’s still skewed for the country because Iowa is such a Cliche of itself, but the Straw Poll attracts a very biased sampling of voters. For one, you have to pay $30 just to get in. That’s right, you have to pay to vote! Granted, that also gets you dinner, but still! That’s only going to attract hardcore supporters and voters! By the way, you have to be at least “16 1/2” years old to vote. There’s also allegations that you can buy the vote, and so on. All in all, 17,000 votes were cast, with the winner receiving only 4,823 Votes. Hardly a representative sample for anything.

Keeping this in mind, here’s this year’s result:

This Is On You, Iowa

Seeing these results and numbers, as frivolous as they may be, still prompted Bachmann to do this:

Let's Play: Spot the Bachmann

During the speech that triumphed her great victory, Bachmann was quoted as saying, “You have just sent a message that Barack Obama will be a one-term president.” To which there was a great applause from the crowd, echoing Thursday’s debate where after moderator Bret Baier told the candidates not to grandstand, Bachmann specifically grandstanded by saying that Obama would be a one-term President. Only problem is that for Bachmann, it kind of doesn’t matter in the long-term. Bachmann seems to be sinking most everything she has in Iowa because that’s the only place she’s assured a win. It could also be the only state she wins.

It Was Also Selling for $52

Bachmann is a polarizing figure, but polarizing in the fact that most everybody dislikes her in some regard, but for the far, far right of the party and Tea Party, she’s like the best thing ever. Still Independents and Moderates will probably avoid her like the plague. Iowa just so happens to be far right with their Homeland values, which Bachmann embraces. The fact that she’s putting forth that she was born in Iowa also kind of makes her the hometown favorite, even though she current presides over Minnesota. Still, with all of that, she almost lost to Ron Paul.

Recently, it seems like stereotypes are reinforcing themselves around me. I walked into a small-town Virginia antique store over the weekend and found all manner of racist and southern pride paraphernalia including Rebel Flags and a book from 1942 called, “Little Black Sambo,” that was described by the store as “beautifully illustrated.” Now, I’d like to think that Southern stores wouldn’t think stuff like this is OK, or even describe it in a positive manner, but that’s what they had, and it wasn’t even the only blackfaced toy or item in the store.

The 75-Year Old Political Virgin

Then there’s Iowa. I’d like to think that people from Iowa are like people from the rest of America. I’d like to think that they have the same amount of intelligence, instead of a black hole of stupidity, but this poll kind of actively goes out of its way to prove me wrong. After all, Ron Paul almost won. Think about it. Ron Paul almost won what many consider an important point in choosing the Republican nomination, and assessing your campaign. Ron Paul isn’t a fringe candidate in Iowa, no, he’s actually considered a contender and somebody they want to not only run against Barack Obama, but they think he can win against him. Not only that, but they think he’d be a great President when he gets into office.

Now, here at Random Independent, we believe that when comedian Patton Oswalt made a joke about an 120-year old President who ordered everybody to marry a Pelican, that he was actually referring to Ron Paul. And Iowa almost declared him the winner of their Straw Poll. As if we needed yet another reason to dismiss Iowa, the Iowa Caucus and the Iowa Straw Poll, Iowa makes it loud and clear that they like Ron Paul.

Moving on…

I Have the Courage To Stand, But As Soon As The Going Gets Rough, I Am Sitting the Hell Down

At least he had the best campaign poster...

Now knowing what we do about the Iowa Straw Poll, it’s insane that anybody would care that much about it, much less put all their resources into doing well in it, much less leaving the race if you don’t finish in the top 2. So naturally, in hindsight, not only is Timothy James Pawlenty insane, but a gargantuan idiot that would have made a poor President to say the least. After all, if he’ll put all his eggs into one massively stupid basket, maybe he’d also station all of the troops in France on the off-chance that Germany invades once more.

Just because you’re the first one to declare yourself as running for President isn’t going to give you an advantage either, especially if you’re as exiting as a This Old House rerun. In addition to failing to energize any sort of crowd, he also failed to get any attention, or disagree with anybody. During a debate, he coined the term “ObamneyCare” in attacking Mitt Romney’s Massachusetts healthcare system, but then went back on it when asked about it later. He was too nice a guy, or he was just weak. Either way, Pawlenty was the opposite of Presidential material, and never had a chance in hell. He thought could turn it around in Iowa, but he never even came close. So yeah, better late than never, but looking back, never is all we should have seen of Pawlenty in this race.

I would say that he’s just one less candidate we have to deal with, but now Rick Perry is in on the race. It just never ends… Until next November, that is.

A Good Looking Rascal: Rick Perry Decides He Too Can Be President

August 15, 2011 1 comment

James Richard "Rick" Perry

Button!

Rick Perry has been teasing America since May with the notion of running, but probably wisely stayed-out in order to feast on the blood currently in the water. And let’s face it, he has a lot of positives going for him. The economy is a mess, so Perry can give the statistics saying how great the economy was in Texas when he presided over it.

He’s a Tea Partier without the crazy, the Texas without the Bush, and a Conservative that Conservatives can rally around. Since he’s arriving late, he has had time to observe weaknesses of the other candidates, and he’s had more time to prepare his talking points. Exposure is also not an issue since the media is more than helping him with that. Bill Clinton even said he was “Tickled” by him entering the race, and called him a “Good Looking Rascal.”

The only problem is that he seems to fall more on the far right side of things, which makes him less appealing to Independents such as myself. I haven’t seen him in much action so far, but he doesn’t exactly seem like the type of person willing to reach out to the other side. He’s an unabashed Texan after all. Still, Perry is throwing a rather large wrench into the thick of the fight, making it essentially an instant 3-way race between Perry, Romney & Bachmann.

Alternatively if Rick drops out, the bus can also facilitate Perry the Platypus' Presidential Campaign

Then there’s also the factor that he’s going to cannibalize all of the current candidates except for Ron Paul & Herman Cain, who run off the weird power of cults or something. He’s going to take away Conservatives & Tea Partiers away from Bachmann, and he’s going to confuse everybody else since he looks a lot like Romney, Santorum, etc. Essentially, Jason Sudeikis could play half the Republican field in this upcoming season of Saturday Night Live.

But there is one big plus for Rick Perry that Video Game Lovers & Nerds everywhere can approve of, and that’s the fact that Rick Perry is the first Presidential candidate, to my knowledge to care anything, and be seen with the popular video game, Mass Effect. Yes, in his first Campaign video, essentially laying out his record and general love for America, Perry is seen at Bioware‘s offices in Austin, Texas looking at Mass Effect 2, while the narrator talks about American ingenuity. Granted, Bioware is a Canadian company, but they opened an office in Texas under Perry’s watch! Not many people will notice it’s 5-second inclusion in the video, but this political/video game Nerd did.

Just remember, when you decide who you want to be the Republican to be nominated for President, only Rick Perry, cares about Mass Effect.

Perry Sees A Real Hero

A Photo Collage of the Repulbican Iowa Debate Winners & Losers

August 12, 2011 2 comments

"So let's say there's a bus full of children speeding off a bridge, and to save them you have to raise taxes by $10..." - Ezra Klein on the Hard Stance of the Republicans on Taxes

Loser: If at least half of this current crop of candidates actually won the Presidency, they'd instantly be in the running for Worst. President. Ever.

 

Loser: Not even seeming like a Republican at times, Huntsman buried himself with every unprofessional word and action he talked about. If there's one thing I know about him after tonight though, it's that he's Proud of basically everything he's ever laid a finger on.

Loser: Herman, who?

Loser: Between the constant bashing by Ron Paul and the thunderous applause of the audience, there was clearly a dislike of any Foreign Wars.

 

Winner: Not only is Michele Bachman stealing away her crazy and discrimination thunder, but she's just sitting quietly doing her thing until she'll called on for VP again or a Cabinet position. Either way, she's sitting pretty with less of the hassle.

Winner: Coming in late in the race, he gets a huge lead and the media attention while the weaker candidates get shoved under the rug.

Winner: Coming out early on his "7 Points to Fix the Economy," Romney had the only solid backing for a problem presented to any of the canidates all night. He'll keep his lead for at least a bit longer.

Winner: Sure, he'll never win crap, but he did an inadvertent job of turning the spotlight onto himself, confusing the crowd with his fast-talking into liking him, and he threw several people off game and off message. He's still crazy, but he livens things up.

Loser: Although he won favor with the Fox News commentators afterwords, his arguments were mostly superfluous, with his performance instantly forgettable.

Draw: Bachmann is Bachmann. Her hardline sticking to her principles would never work as Presidency, but for now, she's a Tea Party darling, which will make her very powerful through the early Caucuses.

Loser: Coming off as more than a bully than a fiery President, Pawlenty sealed his fate by picking a fight with anybody he could.

Loser: Although the whole moderating panel did a great job and asked legitimate questions all through the night, they were constantly attacked by the candidates and booed by the audience to the point I felt sorry for them.

Winner: For once, American Idol didn't have the most annoying audience on TV. Iowa beat them with hecklers, yellers, booers, and loud applause every time Ron Paul spoke. They wanted to hear what they wanted to hear, and nothing else.

Loser: Whoever picked the formatting of the debate, and I assume it's the network since they aired and mostly moderated it, did an awful job at it. candidates disappeared for long stretches of time, while some candidates hogged whole portions of the debate. In the end, it helped nobody, and even hurt a lot of the candidates.

Loser: Although 2 of the Republican candidates were from Minnesota, you would never know it with the amount of bashing that went on between them. Between them and Jesse Ventura as Governor, it's amazing the state is still livable.

Loser: In addition to being the home to that annoying crowd, they're historically bad at being an indication of the eventual Republican nominee due to their emphasis on Homeland values. Still, everybody puts way too much emphasis on its importance.

 

"I love America, and Barack Obama is not America, so I do not love Barack Obama." - Basically Everyone's Closing Remark

5 Stories You Should Care About More Than Casey Anthony

June 29, 2011 1 comment

Casey Anthony: The Savior of Cable News For The Summer of 2011

Summer is a hard time for news. With all the summer vacations and holidays, news has a hard time mustering up the energy to happen, or at least reporters and anchors have a hard time mustering up the energy to report it. And who can blame them? Your audience is outside so they’re not watching TV, the weather is nicer outside than it is in a news studio, and there’s human interest stories a plenty. As a result, this summer in particular has been mired in the doldrums of stories the media is trying to get you care about in order to watch them. The death of Osama Bin Laden was really the last big news story, and since then we’ve had floods, fires, Weiners and that’s really it in terms of sustainable news that can headline your broadcast night after night. So, what’s a cable news network supposed to fill their time with to keep you interested? The Casey Anthony trial.

But I say, “No. Resist.” To reasons I will get to later in this article, you must resist because there’s actually stuff you should be caring about, so I’ve created a game for myself. Whenever a news anchor tries to tell me of the happenings that day, that hour, that minute in the Casey Anthony trial, I’ve been playing, “Spot The Real News.” You should play it too. The following is 5 things you will find, and therefore 5 things you should care about more than Casey Anthony.

In all honesty, if most of these people got the nomination, Obama wouldn't even have to campaign to win.

#1: The Republican Race: Yes, we are in fact about a year and a half before the next Presidential race, and about 6 months before the race really starts going, but the candidates are filing in, coming out and wanting your vote. If you don’t pay attention now, you could end of like Iowa. In a recent poll, 7% of Iowans say they would vote for Ron Paul for the Republican nomination, and 10% say they would vote for former Godfather’s Pizza CEO, Herman Cain. This means that at least 17% of the people surveyed in this poll are idiots, because they’d either put a crazy man in office, who you could easily make drop out of the race if you simply sent a gaggle of kids to mess up his lawn, or a man that used to own a small, mediocre pizza chain with no political experience. Do not become like these people. There are no less than 7 current candidates at the moment, with Mitt Romney in a near dead-heat with Tea Partier Michele Bachmann. It’s old guard Republican vs. new guard? Who’ll win out? It’s hard to tell at the moment, but if you tune out until January, you’ll miss the race to find the answer. Also, if you miss the craziness Trump brought, I give you Jonathon Sharkey, who not only looks like porn star Ron Jeremy, but also is a self-proclaimed vampire.

This Chart Is Shocking On So Many Levels

#2: Afghanistan: Yeah, I know it’s a war in the Middle East, but it’s important because we’re still there, despite a stunningly high number of Americans saying we shouldn’t be there. Despite this, the President is opting for a slower withdrawal that would keep the war going until at least 2014, to the criticism of some, who say we should finish the job, no matter how long it takes since we’ve been there for some 10-years anyways. Also, did you know that President Obama has quadrupled the number of soldiers in Afghanistan since he took over from President Bush? These are the types of things you learn when you’re not watching Nancy Grace.

Benazir Bhutto may have been a great leader, but her husband is the literal Worst.

#3: Pakistan: So, if we’ve seen one clear sign in the aftermath of the death of Osama Bin Laden, it’s that the Pakistani government is kind of one big jerk. You know, hiding known terrorists, arresting those who help us catch terrorists, and getting mad when we kill a terrorist without their permission. Etc., so on. Problem is, Pakistan holds nuclear weapons, so we have to be careful in dealing with them. Also, there’s the fact that we’ve given Pakistan some 20-billion dollars since 2001, and we continue to give them billions every year. Why? I don’t know because nobody cares enough to ask or do anything about it. However, if there was outrage like there is to get tickets to be in the courtroom of the Casey Anthony trial, maybe more people would care and do something about it.

#4: Greece Has Gone To Crap: Greece is broke so they have to cut spending and raise taxes. The people have not taken to this lightly, and have been in the process of burning down the country off and on for the past year. What’s crazy is that it’s actually getting worse. America, this could be your future and worse, which brings me to…

The Riots In Greece

#5: The Economy: Guess what, the economy isn’t getting better. Sure, there’s improvements, but for every market getting back up, another one falls into more trouble. As a result, everything is kind of stagnant in an unsure time where anybody doing anything doesn’t really know what thing to do, or when. So we’re kind of stuck until somebody currently doing something figures out what to do, or it fixes itself, or what Mitt Romney wants, Americans see him as the best person to fix it, so they elect him President and he fixes it.

If They Show This Image Again, It'll Be Permanently Burned Into Our Minds & TVs

Now that you really think about it, all the important news stories are kind of depressing in their own way. No wonder the media doesn’t want to cover it, and you don’t want to watch it. I mean, with all these horrible things happen, no wonder America is looking towards the trial of a possibly irresponsible mother who possibly neglected, abused, suffocated and killed her 3-year old daughter. Oh, wait… That’s kind of depressing too. But hey, it’s just a harmless bunch of crazy people doing crazy things, and there’s a cute little white girl we can all feel sorry for to give us all the illusion that we can watch the trial and root for justice to be served. I mean, it’s not like this is world-affecting or anything. No nuclear war can possibly come of this trial. No riots and end of the world scenarios here. No silly politicians being silly anywhere.

You can tell that to yourself to help you sleep at night, but at the end of the day, there’s always a list of stuff happening and a long list of stuff we need to do. It’s not all going to go away by watching a useless murder trial.